My Guarded Heart

What words are adequate when we meet our soul’s match? When I see HIM joy can instantaniously choke me. I’d want to scream, dance, laugh, cry, smile, and sing at the same time. Can you picture what I’m saying? It simply is unexplainable.

But how my heart aches with the thought of HIM not noticing me at all. Does HE see me watch over HIM from a distance? Does HE hear my heart beating so loud whenever HE passes by? Does HE know his "Hello" alone makes my day? Sometimes it just suck when the person we like don’t ask. But there’s nothing that I can do but trust the Lord my God. My emotions are all his and so even if this is hurting me and even if it chases me all the way to my sleep and dreams, my hope and trust is still in the Lord.

I know by heart that God gave Men and Women different roles to play. Men as leaders and initiators, Women as nurturers and comforters. So, what can a woman of God do but wait for the guy to initiate right? I am just here patiently waiting. Supressing all these emotions inside, hoping and trusting the Lord to hear the desires of my heart that my JOY would be complete.
I know right now I am in a "Kiss dating Goodbye" mode. But I am no exception in terms of falling in love. I know I asked God to guard my heart that I may not make the same mistakes again. Rejecting the dating game is indeed a seismic shift. But all of this, I’m doing for the Glory of God. Now, let me just clarify that I chose to set myself apart in preparation for My One and Only.  I am now commited to doing this so that God would peel away layer after layer of wrong thinking, wrong values, and wrong desires. I want to be the BEST for My Soulmate. I know that there we’re things that I’ve done in the past, but my mistakes shouldn’t paralyze me from settling for God’s best in my life.

However, there tons of questions now that are weighing in my heart. Nervous energy rush over me whenever i see HIM.  I know I shouldn’t be anxious in this area of my life, that is why I presented God my request, trusting his word which says that peace which transcends understanding will guard my heart. Peace that is from him, not the one i attempt to create.
And so, i stand firm in my promise to God. That I shall trust him in this area of my life. Whether or not HE pursues, My Love for the Lord would not change.